


Drown in your Kerosene Eyes

by Daphnean



Series: For the Birds [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Historical Fantasy, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-08-16 12:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8102626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daphnean/pseuds/Daphnean
Summary: Yifan falls for the emperor's captured songbird.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Still my favorite work to date, I couldn't help but make it my first piece I submitted in my move to AO3.

The healer had him shirtless, laying on his side as she slathered the gash at his ribs with a thick paste. The bitter scent of the herbal salve made his nose crinkle and he closed his eyes to ignore the sting as it smoothed over his wound. Still, even in this state Emperor Oh came to see him. Yifan made an attempt to sit up and bow, only for his sour-faced healer to grumble and shove him back down onto the medical cot. She was rather strong for a woman with that much white in her hair, and if the emperor was offended by her response, he made no acknowledgement of it. Instead the noble focused on praising and thanking the injured soldier.

The emperor had intended on a quick tour of some new farmlands he had aquired from a neighboring country, and the assassination attempt had been well planned. If Yifan hadn’t noticed the way the man who approached the noble kept sliding his hand into his pocket as he stood amongst the crowd, Yifan wouldn’t have known to jump in from his ranks at the sidelines of the procession and try and disarm him.

Yifan replied simply that it was his duty as a soldier, but the man wouldn’t take such a response and insisted on offering him a position inside the royal palace as one of his elite guardsmen.

While the emperor was considered eccentric and narcissistic, his guards were treated far better than their foot soldier counterparts. Their stipend was far greater, their work was less strenuous, and they were even granted lands to manage once they grew too old for their duties. It meant a far easier future than trying to save what little he had as a nameless grunt on the field.

Yifan easily accepted the offer.

After two weeks in the healer's keep, he was finally deemed well enough to learn the lay of the palace. He had been in a dazed blur when he was carried in whilst injured, but just a few steps in to the heart of the palace beside his guide and Yifan knew the stories of the emperor’s wealth were far from exaggerated. In fact he seemed to think that the rumors did no justice to the halls he walked down; the smooth panes of marble reflecting even the most subtle of his features as if they were glass.

There was something indescribably satisfying about his footsteps against the stone and the sounds of the fountains that lined the walls; lion heads pouring water from their mouths into pools below. Yifan couldn’t gather his bearings; not mentally making landmarks but looking in childlike wonder to what the next hallway or courtyard would bring. One had stone benches that seemed to grow up amongst the wildflowers and exotic plants that curled around their legs. Another was a garden of statues, all gifts from foreign lands with stone so polished that they caught the light and held it.

Emperor Oh had a grand hall for feasts that was so towering in height that Yifan could have stood upon himself ten times before his head would have grazed the glass dome that rested above the lines of tables. It was like the sun itself was a chandelier, hanging high above them as they passed through.

He was shown down to the storerooms piled with grains and dried meats, meeting the kitchen staff that seemed to weave around him and his guide, too busy with the affairs of dinner to even give him a nod.

The emperor’s wealth was in several rooms lined with guards. There were three rooms for gold and another two for other various gifts that the emperor had been given on his travels or by foreign dignitaries. The final of these rooms was the one for the emperor’s harem. The entrance and sides of the room were draped in thick silks, incense burning to give it the likeness of a dream. Each girl that approached them bowed in kind, and Yifan felt as though each was a treasure. Their eyes sparkled like gems of many colors; skin ranging lighter than the pale of cream to richer than the darkness of evening.

Yifan had not been told what he would be guarding or where he would be patrolling as the tour started drawing towards a close, but his guide said that his post would be their last stop before he would be shown his quarters in the nearby barracks.

They walked through another courtyard before stopping in front of two large doors nearly as tall as the grand hall had been. Yifan held his breath as the brass doors were pulled back and they slipped through beaded curtains. The building was a little too warm, sweat beading along his brow as they walked along a dirt path, but that did not take away from his wonderment. The sun shone in above them through the glass ceiling and all around them were trees brimming with birds. Sound in the building was a beautiful cacophony of birdsong and flittering. His eyes kept darting to each movement; the spread of orange wings or the tilt of a bird’s head, black eyes glittering as they took him in. The path became paved as they stepped further inside, birds soaring overhead as they flew from branch to branch. He didn’t even know what half of the birds were called; only occasionally spotting a sparrow or a meadowlark, and a large peacock at one point blocked his path, tail grazing the ground rather than spreading like a fan.

When they finally stopped, his guide told him they were at his post. Yifan's chest filled with lightness at the knowledge every day he’d be asked to sit amongst the birds and get to watch their flights dance between trees. Finally he turned to his post, and his excitement quickly twisted into curiosity low in his belly.

Before them was a gilded cage. Gold and silver were braided together, bright gems intertwined to form the domed shape of the enclosure. Yifan could have taken ten large steps and crossed the diameter easily, so he knew what rested inside could not be much larger than a man. Inside was a bed lined with colorful silks, some draped from the top of the cage to the floor below. One section held a pillowed area, a stack of books beside it, and at the very back was a small division of beautiful paper screens where a figure moved in silhouette.

His voice left him. While he had so many questions he had no notion of where to begin. Finally the captive moved out from the screens, and Yifan wished he had not. The man who emerged was beautiful enough to take away from the birds that still flittered behind them. His skin was pale, his hair dark, and the silver robes he wore were even finer than those that adorned the courtesans. The man's most striking features were his eyes; pools of ink that seemed to write of secrets as he looked out from his gilded prison. As he moved, Yifan heard the soft clink of a gold chain around the man’s ankle that was tethered to a gilded spike on the floor. His feet were bare as he approached them. Yifan felt he had nothing he could hide from those eyes.

The man said nothing.

Yifan responded with silence in return, feeling like he couldn’t meet the man's gaze for more than a moment.

His guide spoke then. “This is the emperor’s prized songbird. He is your duty to protect. Each day and every third evening you will watch him.”

“What is his…” Yifan stopped, turning his attention to the man inside the cage. “What is your name?”

At first he did not respond, but after many moments the songbird shifted, gaze moving to the floor. “Kyungsoo.”

As his guide led them to the barracks and told him to rest before his first day of his duties began, his mind felt as if it was still full of feathers and marble. When sleep finally came to him Yifan dreamed of birds, of music, and the way Kyungsoo’s voice sounded as he spoke his own name.

\--

His first shift was uneventful. Kyungsoo, for being the emperor’s treasured songbird, was fairly quiet. He woke early most mornings, servants arriving with warm water for him to bathe in. Meals were always brought promptly twice during his shift, and a chattier servant named Baekhyun mentioned to Yifan that they were all foods meant to not impair a singer's voice. Yifan noticed that the songbird merely picked at much of the food. Baekhyun replied in kind that Kyungsoo enjoyed sweets and other various foods he wasn't allowed to enjoy any longer on the emperor's request.

Baekhyun commented on many things, often as if Kyungsoo wasn’t even there. Most people didn’t address the man trapped in a cage directly. When Yifan asked the petite servant as to why, Baekhyun flushed.

“We’re scared of what the emperor will do. Kyungsoo is his most valued treasure,” he said simply before returning to his work.

Much of the day was spent with Kyungsoo reading in silence. Sometimes Yifan caught him staring up through the ceiling into the sky, but his routine was for the most part tedious and uninteresting. Yifan wondered if a shackle, cage, constant guard were too much to keep in one man.

The only discord in the shift occurred when a sparrow landed on the cage floor, letting out soft noises as his head twisted this way and that, taking in the songbird. Kyungsoo stood and walked over, kneeling before the small bird, smiling for the first time that Yifan had witnessed. The bird let him touch his feathers, fingers smoothing over his head and back. His voice was so soft Yifan could not hear what he said, but he cooed and smiled at the little bird until it finally flew away.

The night watch came and Yifan felt after watching all day, he needed to say something to his ward.

“Have a good night, Kyungsoo.”

He received no response.

\--

A whole week passed before Yifan heard Kyungsoo sing. After Baekhyun came to retrieve Kyungsoo’s dishes from lunch, the grand doors opened as the emperor arrived without procession. His smile was so wide Yifan would have assumed he was seeing his favorite courtesan rather than a songbird. Yifan bowed respectfully, but he looked to Kyungsoo and saw how the man stepped back as far as his tether would allow him, hands trembling as he moved to his knees and performed a formal bow for the emperor.

Emperor Oh stepped inside, settling himself on the pillows where Kyungsoo normally read, and asked for a song.

And Kyungsoo sang.

Kyungsoo sang like nothing Yifan had ever heard before. He had heard songs on the field when men needed to pass the time, in taverns by drunken soldiers sharing a lewd song with friends, and even by village children who still held some semblance of innocence in their limericks and child songs. Kyungsoo did not sing like this, not even like the traveling bards. Kyungsoo sang as if he was music itself. The tiny man held the radiance of the full moon in his throat; voice like honey and wine. Yifan was drunk on the sound, the emotion pouring out and into the room around them. The birds were silent and the sun itself seemed to peer from out of the clouds to listen.

One song was all Yifan felt anyone would ever need to hear in their lifetime, but the emperor had so much greed. For hours he sat, requesting one song after another. Kyungsoo sang until he would cough, until he sounded weak and his knees threatened to buckle with their trembling. Yifan clenched his fists, nails biting into his palms to in an effort to hold back his tongue.

Six hours passed and Kyungsoo could sing no longer. He coughed blood before his collapse, robes pooled around him as he hit the floor without grace. The emperor did not address the crumpled songbird as he left the cage.

Yifan waited until the doors closed to turn and look at the man curled in dark blue robes. No one had instructed him on what needed to be done in these circumstances. Did he call the healers? Did he stand there, invisible and silent?

Yifan stepped forward then, closer to the cage than he had ever dared previously. He knelt down beside the man, now able to see the red-rimmed eyes holding back tears with such strain and the flecks of blood near the corner of his mouth.

“Kyungsoo,” he whispered.

The songbird’s eyes flickered to him, so empty of emotion that Yifan felt as if he’d be sucked inside to fill that void. His ribcage ached, right along his sternum. He didn't know if words were enough comfort.

Yifan moved as close to the cage as he was able, sliding his arm within the bars towards Kyungsoo. With a gentle hand, he ran his fingers over the man’s soft hair, the little bit he could reach with their distance.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes. Yifan wondered momentarily if he had made a mistake, but the man weakly crawled closer to his hand, curling as close as he could towards the side of the cage. Yifan touched his hair again, still barely able to reach him, soothing him as best as he was able. Like speaking to a timid bird, he kept his voice quiet as he whispered lies.

“It will be okay,” he said softly. “Hush now, it will be okay.”


	2. Two

On his day off, Yifan found himself drawn to the kitchens to speak with the palace gossip again. Baekhyun was thrilled, puffing up like he was a prized rooster, eyes glittering as he nearly vibrated with his eagerness to speak. Yifan learned more than he ever could have thought to ask himself of the palace and those that resided within it. Most names he did not recognize, but the friendly chatter helped him from thinking of Kyungsoo.

But this did not last. His curiosity got the better of him and he found himself asking far too easily, “What all do you know about Kyungsoo?”

Baekhyun was happy to comply, but even the cheerful man seemed a little saddened by their topic. “Ah, are you sure you wish to know?”

Yifan nodded.

“He was a gift. There was a village in the mountains that could not pay their taxes. The emperor was going to take in nearly the whole town in servitude to pay off their debt. It was so small it did not really mean much really, but one family said they could offer their son and that he was worth so much more than their service. The emperor, of course, did not believe them even as Kyungsoo was brought to him. But then he sang and the emperor was enchanted with his voice. The town was forever given his protection and their debts repaid in exchange for Kyungsoo.”

Baekhyun took a bite of an apple before continuing. “Mmm. He had a room at first, but he kept escaping. He slipped between bars and climbed out windows. He was always clever, even when he was smaller. Finally Emperor Oh built his menagerie for him, having him under constant guard, held in a strong cage, and tethered to the floor.”

“Some say he was spelled, that he’s really a songbird trapped in a human form. Some say he sold his soul for that sort of voice…or that he’s a siren but he can’t drown sailors as he is too far from the sea. Personally…I just think he’s the unluckiest man in the whole of the world.” Baekhyun finished with a soft sigh, looking out at the rest of the kitchens.

Yifan watched him. “Why do you say that?”

“He’s been captive since he was very young. I don’t even know how old he was when he was first brought here. He’s never been outside of the palace, never going to see his family again. Don’t get me wrong, I was sold off too, but…my family didn’t gain wealth off of my purchase. They don’t live in luxury. I was just one mouth too many to feed. Kyungsoo has no friends because we are all too afraid of what the emperor will do to us if we try…or what the birds will do to protect him.” Baekhyun shook his head as he leaned closer, as if this information was more closely guarded than the rest. “One guard grew too close to him and...disappeared. I heard he was pecked to death by crows. Fell for one bird and killed by another.”

“If he loves him so much…why does the emperor mistreat him?” Yifan asked then, making sure to keep his voice quiet as not to draw eavesdropping.

Baekhyun chuckled. “Do you really not know? There is no one higher than Emperor Oh. He can do as he pleases and there is no one who would dare to speak against him and live. Kyungsoo will sing for him, but I have heard that he has far more beautiful songs, that when he is happy and smiles that there is something so magical about his music that he can heal the soul. But he does not sing like that for the emperor. And he never will. The emperor cannot force him to sing in such a way, cannot kill him or he will never hear him again. And this angers him. Kyungsoo is the only person who can turn him down. Once, when he threatened his life, Kyungsoo stood in defiance. He said that then at least he'd see be free for once. It is...really beyond sad to imagine thinking this way, but this is Kyungsoo's life."

Yifan promised Baekhyun he would visit often and was laden down with sweets to bring back to his room in the barracks as their conversation finally ended. He took the rest of the night to lay on his bed and thought of what sort of songs Kyungsoo could sing if his heart was unbound of all the pain he endured each day in his lonely prison. Yifan wondered if it was Kyungsoo's own soul that could use healing.

\--

Yifan was not the most talkative man, nor was Kyungsoo. This meant often whole weeks would pass with the only conversation between the men consisting of greetings and goodbyes. Most days he spent watching the birds, giving Kyungsoo the semblance of privacy in his cage. He would stand at his post and watch the flittering of the doves or the parrots chatter aimlessly. Yifan found his heart swelled most at the ducklings that walked with unsteady gaits behind their mother, waddling with incessant little quacks.

The birds mostly avoided him, only flying past him to perch on Kyungsoo’s cage. It was if Kyungsoo was another bird and they took pity on him, swooping in to land beside him, cooing or rubbing their heads against his fingers as he raised his hand for them to rest on. Yifan understood why so many assumed Kyungsoo was a bird himself; because he had never seen animals respond so much to a human and show so little fear.

So it came as a surprise to him one day when a little yellow finch fluttered and landed ungracefully beside him. It scuffled and chirped helplessly on its back before he knelt down and saw what ailed it. Somehow the tiny bird had found some string and it had wound itself around the wings and neck of the finch. If it kept struggling, it would likely strangle itself or damage its fragile wings.

Yifan had big hands and was not the most graceful person, but he moved to pick up the small bird, voice soft and soothing. “Easy now.”

The finch looked even more panicked at his approaching hand, one black eye like a bead taking him in, chest pulsing with its breath. It stilled though, perhaps out of fear as Yifan picked the bird up and let it rest on his palm.

“You got rather stuck, hm.” He gave a warm smile as he spoke. “I’ll try and unbind you.”

He struggled with the string for a moment, only able to free part of a wing when the bird began to struggle again. Yifan made soft noises, but the finch persisted. It wouldn’t take long for it to kill itself in the haste to be free. Having no choice, Yifan quickly took a small knife he kept at his belt, one he used for peeling apples and other little tasks, and carefully cut apart the remaining strands of the string.

Tugging at them, he found he had removed a couple of feathers, but the finch was free. It shook out its feathers in his hand, slowly moving to balance on its legs again before looking up at him for a brief moment before flying off into a nearby tree.

Yifan watched it for a while after that, fingers toying with one of the yellow feathers reamaining in his hand. Shaking his head, he chuckled and spoke to himself, “You’re welcome.”

When he turned to check on his ward, Kyungsoo was watching him.

The heat of Kyungsoo’s stare was too much and he turned back out towards the birds.

“Just how many weapons do you carry on you at any time, Yifan?”

The sudden question startled him, and he turned back to see Kyungsoo still sitting on the edge of his bed, head tilted in curiosity. Yifan had never really introduced himself, but it seemed Kyungsoo had found out his name regardless.

To his question, Yifan shrugged. “That's not information I surrender easily. It makes me easy to kill.”

“I see.” Kyungsoo mused, giving a soft, rare smile. “It was a kind gesture, helping him.”

Yifan looked back at the bird now happily flittering with the other finches that nested in the tree nearest the cage. “I am used to following orders. When I can decide to do something of my own accord that pleases me, I try and take the initiative.”

Kyungsoo was quiet for a moment, but eventually he gave a hesitant response. “Be careful when you speak to me.”

“So it is true then, the death of the last guard? That everyone fears you?” Yifan turned his attention back to the imprisoned songbird.

The man chuckled, the sound grating and sharp. "Everyone fears me, yes. But the rest? Lies. The last man retired in the countryside. The emperor started the rumor to keep people away from me.”

“But why?” Yifan turned completely to face Kyungsoo. Today the man wore bright green robes like the lorikeets that lingered near the doors.

“Because.” Kyungsoo sighed softly, his eyes closing. “Someday he'll break me and get what he wants. This isn't about me being a songbird he adores anymore as much as it is a game he wants to win."

Yifan did not answer. He didn’t know what to say.

Kyungsoo finally turned his gaze back up to him. “You still should be careful about speaking to me.”

“It may be a danger, but the least I can do is talk to you as if you’re a person when we do speak." Yifan felt his brows furrow, understanding why it was so easy for Kyungsoo to pull away from others when all nearing them did was spur the emperor further.

The smile that came to Kyungsoo’s face felt like a blow, and it ached inside Yifan like the knife wound that he had suffered the months before.

“I’m sorry that I didn't give you the answers you were hoping for, Yifan.” He replied simply. "Some people aren't given choices...only chances to slip free that always fly away."

He then moved to lie down, curling in the nest of pillows and blankets draped in silk.

Yifan tried to listen to the birds after that, but Kyungsoo's words continued to replay in his head far louder than they could drown out.

\--

Emperor Oh planned a grand banquet and festival to be held at his palace just a month later. He came in to the menagerie late one evening with a flourish of songs Kyungsoo was to perform for his guests. When he left, Yifan watched the songbird slowly sit down with the songbooks and rolls of parchment, sighing heavily.

He turned, about to comment to the other man when he heard the grand doors open again. In slipped a tall, thin man with sleepy eyes and short hair. His clothing was immaculate, down to the finest seam and pleat in his robes. Yifan was taken back by the sudden appearance of the emperor’s son, Sehun, but he quickly recovered with a bow.

Sehun gave a lazy smile and waved his hand at him in dismissal, instead approaching Kyungsoo’s cage with a gentle expression. “Hello, songbird.”

Kyungsoo was still staring at the music before he looked up, eyes going comically wide as he moved to shuffle the papers aside and move into a proper bow, but Sehun swiftly stopped him.

“Oh, don’t worry on formalities. It has been a long time since I have seen you outside of an event where you perform. Father has been so strict with his lessons…” He sighed and shook his head. “Have you been well?”

Kyungsoo nodded, approaching the edge of the cage only for his motions to halt abruptly as he reached the end of the tether, causing him to nearly stumble forward, cheeks reddening with embarrassment. “I…could be better.”

The young heir looked disheartened by the chain, by the cage itself as he stepped even closer still. “I heard you will be singing for us again…may I make a request?”

“Of course.” He bowed slightly in response. “What is it you wish to hear?”

“Your favorite song,” Sehun said with a soft smile. “It has been a long time since you sang for me…I was only five then…”

Kyungsoo gave a smile of his own, faint and brief. “I do not know if I remember all the words…”

Sehun grinned. “Of course, I have payment for you. Just as I did then.”

Unwrapping a satchel at his side, he pulled out two sweet buns, sprinkled with sugar and still slightly steaming in his hands. Yifan had to fight his grin at Kyungsoo’s wide eyes, mouth gaping at the treats.

“I am not supposed to-”

“Please?” Sehun said softly. “I can’t do anything else for you. My guard will find out I am not in my room before much longer…”

Holding them out as far as he could, Sehun placed the sweets in Kyungsoo’s hands.

“Thank you.” Kyungsoo seemed very touched, bringing the treats close to his chest.

Sehun smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, songbird.”

He gave Yifan a silent look, a plea to omit this meeting from his memory. Yifan gave a nod in return, noting how Sehun’s shoulders sagged in relief.

The young man turned and walked quickly back towards the doors. When Yifan looked to Kyungsoo, he was halfway through one of the sweet buns, sugar at the corners of his mouth. He resembled a child caught eating before supper, and Yifan only chuckled, shaking his head.

“You seemed to know him quite well,” he mused.

Kyungsoo nodded. “I was originally intended to be a gift for him. Sehun tried to help me escape. He would see how I cried each night and wished to go home. Every time I was caught in my attempt, I took all the blame on myself and yet somehow the emperor must have figured out the truth and had us separated. Many, many years have passed since I last saw him like this.”

“What is your favorite song?” Yifan asked after a moment.

The other man was quiet at first, but then his expression shifted to something Yifan couldn’t read, and he shook his head. “I don’t have one like you think.”

Yifan felt his brows furrow as he tilted his head. “Then what did Sehun mean?”

“My favorite song is the sound of the birds. Sehun would sneak in two sweet buns every time I was sent to sing for him. I’d sing his favorite songs then we would eat one bun together, the other we’d throw to the birds outside his bedroom window.”

Once he finished the first sweet bun, Kyungsoo took the second bun and started to tear it to pieces, throwing it to the birds. Once they started to figure out what was happening, the birds started to circle the cage, hoping for a treat. Yifan found himself a perch to cockatoos and cardinals, doves and one large macaw, all squawking their love for their imprisoned brother.

And for the first time since Yifan began his duties, he heard the man laugh. His eyes were alight with happiness and he tried to keep making the pieces smaller so he could feed every bird at least a little bit. Eventually the sweet bun was gone, but the birds lingered, until eventually Kyungsoo was all that remained, still in his cage, but Yifan could see the smile that remained in the corner of the songbird’s lips.

\--

After that night, Kyungsoo was engrossed in study of his new music, staying up far later than he normally enjoyed as he practiced each song. Some mornings he could not speak for how weak his throat was and could only wave sleepily at Yifan when he arrived. Between watching his ward, Yifan started to work on an old hobby of his; carving. With his penknife in hand, he took little sticks and bits of wood he found on his walks to the gilded cage and would practice shaping them.

After a week he finally did justice to one and just before his shift ended, he moved towards the cell. “Kyungsoo?”

The man looked up from his parchment; hair mussed from running his hand through it too many times. “Yes?”

“I don’t know if you’d like it, but…” Yifan held out the small carving in his palm. It was a finch, much like the one he had rescued before. “Something to try and lighten up your…room.”

After Sehun’s visit, Yifan was certain that his gift wasn’t very impressive, wouldn’t catch the attention of the other man, but Kyungsoo’s face softened as he walked over, hand reaching out as far as it could to take the little bird from his hands. He traced his small fingers over it, the curved beak and the little upturn of the finch’s tail.

“It looks just like him,” Kyungsoo mused almost to himself before looking up. “Thank you, Yifan.”

He took the small bird and put it on a table by his bedside, smiling at the carving as if it was real. Yifan felt like his heart was too large in his chest when the man turned and directed that smile at him.

“Truly, thank you.”

Yifan smiled back. “You’re welcome.”

\--

The night of the banquet came, and Yifan was told by the head of the emperor’s guard the procedure for removing the songbird for a performance. Shackles in gold like bangles would connect to chains placed on his neck, on each of his legs and hands, before he’d be led through the halls to the banquet. He would sing his songs then be brought straight back. There was one man assigned for each shackle to his body and they would lead him along. Yifan would be behind them, another guard in front.

Yifan’s stomach rolled at the humiliation Kyungsoo had to feel as they talked about him right in front of the cage as if he wasn't present at all. Kyungsoo kept his gaze to the ground as they spoke, only showing any emotion when he heard the cage being opened.

He was surrounded and shackled, each man tugging him until they had him properly strung like a good puppet. Yifan’s fingers tightened on the sheath to his sword.

When they lead him forward, Kyungsoo kept his head high, even as he passed servants, guests admiring the grand courtyards. Yifan wanted to shield him from their gazes, pull him into his arms and smooth his hair. Kyungsoo's expression looked of resolve and seemed unfazed, but Yifan knew that this mask was fragile and close to breaking.

Yifan barely noticed the faces of the people they passed, only hearing bits of languages he didn’t understand and smelling perfumes from strange lands. The grand hall was bursting with people, the columns seeming to bow with the strain of so many filling the room. Every eye turned to Kyungsoo as he ascended the stairs, golden chains around every limb. Emperor Oh proudly spoke of his precious songbird while Yifan watched Kyungsoo’s legs tremble, the chains tinkling like bells. Sehun sat silently beside his father, his eyes to his lap.

Kyungsoo sang with the beauty he always did. His audience boomed with applause after each song. Ladies held handkerchiefs to their eyes and children stopped their fidgeting. No one was immune to the magic of his voice. Each minute felt so quick when Yifan just listened, just felt each note swim through him; but when he looked at Kyungsoo, saw his dull eyes stare out past the crowd, singing like he was an instrument, time grew stagnant. He just wished for the performance to finish quickly with each breath.

The torment ended in a blur of motion and great cheering, but in the end it was only Yifan outside of Kyungsoo’s cage once more. Yifan again was left without words, what to do for the other man. He clenched and unclenched his hands, itching to do something besides stand there in silence.

Kyungsoo looked tired as he sat on his bed, still wearing the formal silk robes he’d been dressed in for his performance. Even broken, even sullen he looked beautiful, and Yifan felt sick knowing he was just as weak to his own desires as everyone that had watched Kyungsoo sing tonight.

Slowly he reached into his pocket, fingering the new carving he had made just the night before. He had been unable to sleep and found himself carving well into the morning hours.

“Kyungsoo?” he said softly, stepping towards the cage. “I…”

The songbird looked up, the underneath of his eyes looking as if they were smudged with kohl liner from exhaustion. He stood and made his way towards the edge of his cage, expression almost blank.

“Yes?” he said just as softly, voice a hoarse whisper.

Yifan pulled the small crane from his pocket, kissing the base of the carving before handing it to the man inside. “To carry tonight away from your dreams."

Their fingers brushed, just for a moment. Kyungsoo took the crane and ran his fingers over the curl of the bird’s beak and neck, before stopping at the base. Their eyes met and he brought the base of the carving to his lips.

“Thank you,” he whispered weakly.

Yifan didn’t feel it was enough. He couldn’t take him out of this cage; couldn’t give him the freedom and love he deserved. They were both prisoners to the emperor, even if only Kyungsoo was bound by chains.

He didn’t know where the urge came from.

Yifan began to sing. His voice was unsteady and he had no confidence to bolster the sound. He felt breathy and winced with each sour note, but he sang for the man who no one else sang for. He sang with the hope that someday Kyungsoo would never have to sing for anyone again unless he chose to, unless he felt the song float up out of his chest.

He kept his eyes closed at first, afraid of what he would see when he opened them, but when he finally risked looking, there was just Kyungsoo, crane clutched to his chest. Yifan felt his voice waver, as if he had done something wrong, but Kyungsoo shook his head, smiling in encouragement.

By the time his song has ended, they were both crying.


	3. Three

Their routine changed. Each day Yifan worked he would bring a new carving, pressing a kiss to the base that Kyungsoo would return. Most days they sat in silence; Yifan with his knees to the bars of the cage when Kyungsoo read, their eyes meeting every few pages so Kyungsoo could give him a heart-shaped smile. Other days they would both lay down, Yifan on one side of the cage, Kyungsoo the other as they stared at the sky, talking of dreams. Each night Kyungsoo would bow his head, Yifan brushing his fingertips over the man’s soft hair as he whispered goodbye.

Yifan hated his days off, days away from Kyungsoo. Even talking to Baekhyun wasn’t as enjoyable any longer. The other man, for all of his gossip, had never questioned Yifan about Kyungsoo, but Yifan knew it was only a matter of time before the subject was brought up. They sat over tea outside of the kitchens and Baekhyun traced patterns along the rim of his cup one morning. Yifan could feel the tension, preparing himself for the worst.

“It isn’t fair,” Baekhyun said finally.

Yifan chuckled because he didn't know how else to respond to such an innocent statement. “No. But that won’t change anything.”

“I could try and help you-”

Yifan shook his head. “We couldn’t ask you to do that. Besides, even if we did get him out of the cage, even if we did get him out of the palace…where would we go? Every inch of the emperor’s land would be searched down to the last grain of sand.”

Baekhyun looked at him then, that bright face so unusually somber. “Then why do this to yourselves?”

“Love doesn’t stop just because it is painful to experience. You don't choose it. It finds you and stays with you even if you never acknowledge it. It beats in me like a second heart.”

Baekhyun didn’t have a reply. For a long time he was silent. When he spoke again, it was of a new addition to the emperor's harem that came from overseas.

They parted not long after. Yifan was outside his room in the barracks with his hand on the door handle when he heard someone cry out his name.

Adrenaline surging, he turned quickly with a hand on the hilt of his sword. Baekhyun was running towards him, voice carrying across the distance between them.

“It’s Kyungsoo!”

Yifan didn’t wait to hear what else Baekhyun had to say. He was sprinting past the servant and into the estate, cutting corners with the pounding of his pulse louder than his footsteps. Jerking to a halt the moment he saw the crowd of guards outside of the menagerie, he called out for them to step aside. Despite his urgency, they wouldn’t let him through. He kept insisting, shoving at the wall of shields.

The screaming began not a moment later, Kyungsoo’s voice shrill with agonizing wails that echoed down the hall. The men at the door did not waver even as he pushed at them in desperation, begging them to get out of his way. When finally he heard a gasping sob he couldn’t stand it a moment longer, and he forced all of his energy into one last rush that got him through to the doors. Before he could even stop to open them, Emperor Oh emerged before him, the sleeves of his robes pushed up to his elbows.

He didn’t think to bow, didn’t think of anything. The look on the emperor’s face was so calm, a blue sky before the roll of thunder. Yifan’s entire body was heaving with his breath.

“Your duties shall be made a great deal easier now, guardsman.” His voice burned like ice held too long against the skin. “And your shifts will be doubled until we find a replacement for the other, former guard.”

Then he was left alone. The menagerie was silent, no birds even visible in the trees as he ran towards Kyungsoo to see what damage was done. His knees threatened to buckle, but he remained standing as he finally reached the gilded cage.

Kyungsoo’s body was mangled on the ground, gold tether still on his ankle but both his legs were broken and misshapen. Yifan knew no healer would be called to set the bones.

Sick of his songbird’s yearning for freedom, the emperor had clipped his wings.

With where he was laying, Yifan could not touch Kyungsoo, didn’t know if it would do any good if he could. Slowly he fell to his knees, hands gripping the bars too tightly.

“Kyungsoo,” he whispered.

A choked sob, and Kyungsoo twisted his body towards Yifan, his face damp with tears.

Yifan spoke his name again, this time his voice faltering in his effort to speak. “Kyungsoo.”

“I had to try,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “I wanted to feel free just once. Then maybe I’d know what the sun feels like from outside of a window again…how your lips would feel against mine.”

He shifted his leg, crying out in pain. “N-Now, I’ll never know…”

\--

Yifan learned later that the guard that had been watching Kyungsoo besides himself had been lazy and flirted with the concubines instead of attending to his duties. He had been tortured for nearly eight hours before his throat was slit; his body tossed over the cliff behind the palace, where some say it split in half on the rocks below. The river took the rest downstream.

Kyungsoo was forbidden utensils outside of eating and the servants were asked to check for them whenever his meals ended. One small slip, someone slacking in their duties, and he must have acquired a strong metal chopstick, hiding it until the time was right to use it as leverage to pry his tether from the floor. Using the same tool he was able to work the lock on his door and sneak through the servant’s passage out of the menagerie and into the outer sectors of the palace. He’d been halfway into an older courtyard when he was spotted and captured by an evening guard patrol.

Emperor Oh himself had taken a wooden block and placed it between Kyungsoo’s legs, swinging a heavy hammer down on either side to make it so, unless properly treated, the songbird would never walk without aid again.

For many days afterwards, Kyungsoo could not leave his bed. The servants would change his soiled linens and move him to be bathed. While their eyes would meet, Yifan knew that neither of them was ready to speak as they once did. Yifan did his best to say he loved Kyungsoo with his carvings, which he slid across the floor towards Kyungsoo’s bed each day. When Baekhyun was bringing food to Kyungsoo, he would take the carvings and give them to the songbird, who would finger them gently before placing them at his bedside.

Yifan feared that these wounds on Kyungsoo’s soul would finally break him, and so he surrendered what little pride he had left. One day he finally went to speak to the emperor, and while it drained him of strength to beg to a monster for mercy, Yifan had remained civil and gained his small victory.

That night when his evening duty for the week began, he looked to Kyungsoo just staring up through the domed window above them. His eyes appeared full of stars.

“I made this for you,” he said quietly. “The emperor said you could have it. Said it’d make you easier to hear as you moved, but I just thought…”

He held out the cane he had carved over the past week. Baekhyun had helped him test the height, and find the dark lacquer to make it sleek and strong. Wrapped around the length of the cane was a beautiful dragon, like from his home country. They both stretched their bodies as far as they could reach and finally Kyungsoo took it in his hands, fingers tracing over the body of the dragon.

“Thank you, I am only sorry it might be some time before I can use it,” he said softly, gaze turning to Yifan, grip on the cane tight. “You usually make me birds. Why a dragon?”

Yifan looked to the ground. “In the land where I was born, dragons don’t need wings to fly.”

He closed his eyes, not sure what Kyungsoo would say in response.

“I love you.”

It was the first time either of them had said the words. Yifan looked back at the other man; saw the hint of a smile back on his lips once more.

Yifan gripped the bars gently, wishing he could stroke Kyungsoo’s cheek instead, feel the cool of his hair against his fingertips and lips. He could at least say the words in return.

“I love you too.”

\--

Time continued its sleepy journey forward. Kyungsoo learned to walk slowly with his cane and Yifan carved him so many birds that soon he had to place them along the floor near his bed, the little wooden flock creeping further and further out like high tide breaching the shoreline.

Yifan knew now that there was no hiding his affections. Baekhyun warned him of the palace gossip, that the emperor would soon discover his feelings for Kyungsoo. Yifan had spent his whole life following orders, hiding away little pieces of himself so he looked like what others expected to see, but he couldn't hide Kyungsoo away like everyone else did. He would give Kyungsoo all of him like no one else did until the very end. And he knew some day it would end.

When the day finally came Yifan felt numb, moving in to the emperor’s council chamber as if someone made him with strings. The words he spoke, the actions he took were his own, but he could not recall what was said and done. The daze ended when Emperor Oh finally stood from his throne, smoothing out his robes. Yifan was someone easily dismissed.

“You saved my life once, boy,” he began quietly. “And what you say today seems innocent enough. All are tempted by the songbird. It is why I must protect him at all costs, even from you. You shall be reassigned in the morning.”

Yifan remembered to bow, turning and nearly stumbling over his own feet as he left the chamber. Tonight would be the last night he spent with Kyungsoo. He’d never see the heart-shape of his smile, see his eyes glitter in the early light of morning as the sun brushed over his skin, or hear him say goodnight ever again.

When he went for his final shift, he didn’t hear the birds, instead he only saw Kyungsoo reading on his bed, cane by his side. Kyungsoo looked to him and smiled briefly, but after a moment he seemed to realize what had come to pass. The smile faded.

Kyungsoo said nothing for a long time. Finally, he closed his eyes, moving to take his cane. Yifan heard his steady breathing; in and out. The captive man moved slowly to his feet and then took in Yifan’s face once more before moving to the center of his cage, where the golden spike held his tether in. Using his cane, sliding it in through the hook, he plucked the tether from the ground, nearly falling over with the momentum, but he used the cane again to steady himself.

Yifan didn’t know what to do, standing there dumbly as Kyungsoo hobbled towards him slowly, the spike trailing along like a leashed dog behind him as he finally made his way towards the bars of the cage.

“You-You can’t escape again or-” Yifan stopped as Kyungsoo’s small hand took his own. It was cold.

Kyungsoo slid his fingers over Yifan’s palm, then turned his hand, nails grazing over his knuckles. “I will place the stake back in the morning. I just wanted to touch you. Just once.”

The first few minutes all they did was touch. Yifan ran his fingers over Kyungsoo’s wrist, the sensitive skin around the bones and his pulse. It felt too overwhelming to touch him after so many months of nothing but words and glances. He likened it to a strong perfume that choked his senses, leaving him disoriented and unsure.

When Kyungsoo’s fingers brushed his jaw, Yifan couldn’t help but groan softly, his head turning to curl and nuzzle into the other man’s touch. There were no calluses on his fingers, not even from his use of the cane, just cool skin and the smell of the rose oils he used to perfume his silks.

Leaning down, he felt Kyungsoo’s breathing along his nose and cheek, saw how wide the other man’s eyes were at their closeness. They both leaned forward, the bite of the bars between them sharp and cold as their lips finally met. Kyungsoo’s mouth was warm and his lips grew redder with each kiss, as if they were sharing fruit. The sweetness left his mouth dry, but his chest felt tight with the want for more, those soft lips more than Yifan had ever imagined as he tossed and turned in bed.

How long they kissed and touched, Yifan did not know, but the bars were the only thing that kept him from exploring every inch of the man before him.

The strain on his legs grew to be too much and so Kyungsoo had to move to the floor, where they linked their fingers and lay there, Yifan feeling the bars imprint against his skin as they faced one another. Yifan kept praying for time to still, for the sun to forget to rise just once so they had a little more time. He dreaded the morning like a sleepy child.

Yifan didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. Kyungsoo opened his mouth once to speak, only to close it, keeping their silence.

When the pinks of sunrise tinged Kyungsoo’s face, Yifan felt his eyes sting. Despite his post as a soldier, despite the sharp angles of his face, he had always found it easy to cry. This shamed him and he closed his eyes; felt the hot tears escape despite his efforts. Kyungsoo didn’t move to wipe them away.

Yifan only opened his eyes again when he heard singing. It was a song in the language of his homeland. He almost felt the sun glow along the other man’s skin with each note as he watched Kyungsoo sing. His tears didn't slow. Yifan cried because Kyungsoo only ever gave and was never given anything in return. Even now, in their last moments, Kyungsoo would be the one trapped and he still gave more; gave Yifan all he had left of himself. Yifan could carve him a thousand birds more it would never measure to this one final song.

The sun settled in above them and Kyungsoo finished singing. They slowly parted, Yifan helping Kyungsoo to his feet. The songbird placed his gilded spike back into the ground then leaned on his cane, watching him. Yifan knew they both were memorizing each other, trying to hold every detail in so they could always have this moment when there was nothing else left in either of them.

They did not say I love you when the guard came to relive him of his post for the last time. They said nothing at all. Yifan kept his eyes on Kyungsoo until he finally slipped out the brass doors.

Baekhyun was waiting and Yifan said nothing still. They walked in away from the menagerie. Yifan didn't look back.


	4. Four

Yifan’s new duty was to guard the kitchen, but in the end it seemed more Baekhyun was watching over him instead. Every day his pockets were filled with sweet fruits and salted meats. And every day Yifan would feed them to the birds outside of his window whenever he returned to his room at the barracks; singing Kyungsoo’s favorite song.

The new duty was tedious and Yifan felt so numb he compared himself to a clockwork soldier, a tiny toy that wound up by the emperor’s hands only to dumbly move as it was made to. Baekhyun said he was growing thinner but Yifan found he didn’t care any longer. Yifan only wondered if the new guardsman in the bird house knew exactly how precious his ward was, beyond the silks and the gold.

Like any other day, he stood at his post outside the kitchens when he heard the clatter of dishes as soldiers poured in en masse, their leader stopping in front of Yifan.

“The songbird has escaped. All guardsmen are to join in the search and bring him to the emperor alive.”

Frantic, Yifan joined the search of the palace, terrified at the idea that this would be how he saw Kyungsoo again. He was baffled by Kyungsoo's actions. Many times they had discussed the fruitlessness of escape, and yet somehow this felt different. Yifan felt beyond uneasy as each hallway he turned was empty of all but soldiers. As he began to scour the grounds, he heard a wail near the cliffs and rushed towards the sound, finding the emperor himself crouched by the cliffside.

Yifan felt the moment was happening beyond him, as if he was a bird watching from a tree as the scene presented itself. The emperor held Kyungsoo’s cane in both hands, the sunlight catching the edges of the torn silk that had caught itself on the rock where the songbird had tumbled to his death in the river below.

He hadn't even realized he was screaming. Another soldier had to stuff a cloth in his mouth to stifle the sound. Soon after all went dark.

\--

They said Kyungsoo had cursed the palace with his passing. Two days after his death and Emperor Oh was dead along with the men who had held Kyungsoo down when the emperor had broken his legs. Others who has been cruel to him were found dead at their posts, eyes glassy. The birds in the menagerie did not sing.

Sehun, now reigning after his father's death, had ordered the gilded cage to be melted down and all of the gold to be thrown in to the river as an offering to the angry spirit of the songbird. Yifan was avoided by the entire palace. For a few days even Baekhyun avoided his gaze, but soon he approached the guard with a tray of sweets in apology.

Yifan had not bathed, not groomed himself since Kyungsoo passed. He did not sleep, barely ate, and stood at his post as if he was carved there along the pillar. When Sehun requested his presence nearly a week after Kyungsoo's death, he did not bow, standing in front of the man with challenge in his eyes. There was nothing anyone could do to hurt him now.

Sehun seemed tired; his soft, sleepy eyes rimmed with red. When he stood from his newly acquired throne he seemed to be laden with a heavy pack, the too large robes slipping from his right shoulder.

“Yifan,” he began softly. “It seems many fear you now. You too have been touched by the songbird.”

His voice felt formal, as if he was straining to have the tone his father had used when addressing his people. Yifan said nothing in response.

Sehun continued. “So have I though, and yet here we both remain. Still I believe in this curse, because my heart feels darker than I can bear.”

The young emperor stepped before him, met him as an equal.

“Of all people, you know most what Kyungsoo would have wanted. And I know what he would have wanted was your happiness. I cannot bring back the dead, no matter how much gold and land I obtain. So I ask you what I may do for you instead. There is no one here to impress. Just tell me, and you shall have it.”

Yifan choked out words quickly. “Some land of my own…quiet and peace. I would like Baekhyun, a servant from the kitchens, to come with me.”

Sehun nodded, returning to his seat with a long sigh. “Within the week you shall have what you have asked for.”

With a bow, Yifan turned to leave, but Sehun’s voice stopped him.

“For what it is worth, I miss him too.”

Yifan couldn’t turn around, couldn’t look as see the other man’s expression, and quickly left the chamber.

\--

Sehun had kept to his word. Yifan was given control over a very small village at the base of a valley. He had a small furnished estate as his own and Baekhyun as his head of staff. Each day he went into the village to speak with his people, all simple folks who had no cares of who he was. Yifan was just the man they gave their taxes to now.

He wasn’t happy, but he was at peace. Most days he would wander about the grounds of his estate and watch the birds, always hoping one would flutter off and Kyungsoo would be standing there, his dark eyes bright with wonder at the world he'd been hidden away from for so long. Maybe wherever he was now, he had that freedom he had craved so desperately.

Months had passed since his arrival at the village when Yifan was woken in the night. At first he thought the sound was Baekhyun at his door, but he when pulled back the screens, the empty hallway stared back at him. The knocking came again and he moved to his window, where a sparrow was perched on the sill. Shaking his head, he moved closer only to freeze, a chill speeding down his spine. In the bird’s beak was a carved crane; his first kiss to Kyungsoo.

It spread its wings and Yifan stumbled, rushed over to it. “Wait, please!”

The sparrow fluttered into a nearby tree, black eyes shining in the faint light of the night sky.

Grabbing a robe to cover his nightclothes, not bothering to slip on his shoes, he rushed out of his bedroom door and out into the courtyard, following the sparrow as it flitted from tree to tree. Where the bird was leading him, he did not know, but his heart held a sick twinge of hope and twisted in his chest.

Finally, the sparrow stopped, dropping the carving from his beak.

Yifan looked around at the empty clearing. Seconds became minutes and he exhaled the last bit of hope he'd stored there, ribcage feeling as if it was curling inward. The bird had probably just found the carving in the river. He picked up the wooden crane, still just as smooth as when he had carved it, when the leaves behind him began to rustle.

When he turned, Kyungsoo standing before him, the shock left him as still as the trees around the clearing. The man was thinner; his clothes that of a young farmer and his cane was a simple walking stick, but his eyes held that same warmth that Yifan saw in his dreams each night.

“I told him to slow down in leading you here…I hope I didn’t keep you wait-”

Yifan held him then, sobbing into his shoulder, hands sliding over his hair, the small of his back as his entire body wracked with the emotions racing through him. Kyungsoo held him so tightly he felt as if he could break, so weak with the shock.

“I love you,” Yifan whispered, kissing the bare of his shoulder where the too large shirt fell off his skin, kissing the side of his neck. “I love you.”

Kyungsoo’s smoothed Yifan's hair with his hand. “I love you. I would have returned sooner, but-”

Yifan shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, nothing matters, I just…you’re alive. You’re here.”

“I’m home,” Kyungsoo whispered softly, pulling back to meet Yifan's gaze, smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

\--

Sehun sighed, turning away from the papers that he needed to attend to in order to look out his window. He stared off at the stars for so long that the knock at the door startled him. He jumped slightly as he beckoned his visitor in.

Zitao, his new attendant, came in with a flourish and bow, a small package in hand. “My Emperor.”

Sehun waved his hand. “You know I hate those formalities.”

Rolling his eyes, Zitao smiled brilliantly at him. “This arrived for you with a message.”

His brows furrowed as he took the box from his attendant’s hands. “And what was the message?”

“That’s the confusing part,” Zitao began. “I was afraid at first my language wasn't good enough to understand, but the man spoke to me in my native tongue, so I knew it must be right. He said “Sing his favorite song, he’s listening.” Only those exact words.”

When Sehun opened the box, the two sweet buns inside, he smiled softly. For a moment he stood there, before he sat the box on his desk, taking one bun out and gesturing for Zitao to come closer. “Share it with me?”

Zitao took a bite. “But what of the other one?”

“That one, dear Zitao, is to thank the birds,” he replied softly, looking out his window once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As some quick notes, this is kind of a nonspecific Asian setting. I never mention countries specifically as it is kind of a fantasy world for the most part with Asian influences. Also, I kind of liked to leave it ambiguous as to if Kyungsoo was something beyond human. While I do have the answer to that and how he escaped the palace, I decided in the fic they were best left unsaid. However, if you are curious, I will share the answers with you if you would like me to. The answer is in the comments as well as explained further in the sequel to this piece called Thunderchild.
> 
> The title of the fic itself is from a song called “Where do my bluebirds fly” by The Tallest Man on Earth. It’s a lovely song and always a helpful jolt to my muse.
> 
> EXO and all other Kpop entertainers presented here are real people and so I remind you that this is just a fic, like a play with their stage personas as the actors. This is not intended to be a representation of who these men and women are or are not. Remember to love and respect them always. And thanks for reading! <3


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